Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
