Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
