I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
