Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
