Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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