"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
