everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
