They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
