also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
