Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
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I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
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I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
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