More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
