I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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