There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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