Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
