Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
