I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
