My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
