he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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