Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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