okay pat passed out under dana's car
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
