They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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