No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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