i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
