i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
third nipple confirmed
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
