Your dad touched me again.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
