party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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