Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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