Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
