i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
