Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
