Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
