God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
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I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
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I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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