i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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