Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
they need to just BURY HIM!
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
birth control should be required to get into college
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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