I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
