I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Randomize
