I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
