I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
