He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
