I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
