Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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