So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
you inspire me to be a worse person
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
