im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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