My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
