You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
