I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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