too bad you live with your parents still
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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