So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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