I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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