Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
