my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize