i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
