He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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