I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
