At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
