i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Randomize
