To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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