he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
