i'm signing you up for texting rehab
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
