He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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