So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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