did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
