my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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