when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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