i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
