cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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