i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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