our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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