my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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