this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
